Sweet Column my brother wrote!

You asked for it. So here it is in all it's unformatted and gory details. I'll let you handle the beautification of this document should it be deemed worthy to grace the hallowed columns of the newsletter.

Let me state there's usually a reason that most guy's avoid giving their opinion on stuff. Actually, there's two. First, we're lazy, especially me. We just don't like to put for effort. I'm only writing because I'm so riddled with ADD that I actually stooped to writing an opinion paper to entertain myself. Which is leading me to reconsider this current course of action. Okay, I apologize for the tangent. It's the ADD thing again.

First reason, guyz are lazy. Yes, I just spelled guyz with a z. It's cooler trust me. Second reason is that anonymous or not, guyz opinions somehow always manage to come back to haunt them. We say things that one person, who may or may not be a girl, but probably is, disagrees with. Then, the cry of hatemonger rings out across the land and suddenly that poor guy who only spoke his opinion becomes the target of hatemail and cold shoulders all across the ward, school, or grocery store. The last I have seen with my own eyes. It's crazy how many enemies you can make in a trip to a grocery store. As a matter of survival, we guys quickly learn to not ever speak your opinion on anything. Not sure about the grammar there, you might have to edit that last part up. So please don't turn this piece into such a witch hunt. Unless that hunt involves pitchforks, torches, and poorly constructed arguments. In which case, you are properly equipped, so hunt away.

So I guess that's an opinion on something, but that's not why I'm writing in. I was semi-motivated by the picture that was posted in last week's newsletter. It lead me to some interesting contemplations, and yes, guys can have contemplations. It dealt with love. Which seems to be everywhere. I think that love might be some kind of allergy. At least it seems to roll around the same time as allergies. Come April people instantly become totally dependent on their significant other and unable to function otherwise. At all hours of the day, couples can be seen pacing the streets like cart-less well-dressed hobos (not the stabbing kind). People also get puffy eyes and start sneezing. The only rational scientific conclusion is that love must be some kind of pollen-induced euphoria which, when it wears off, leaves you waking up from a metaphorical hangover and wondering why your car is in the neighbor's front lawn with a broken sprinkler spraying water 50 ft in the air. I wonder if I can take Claritin for symptoms of this love thing. They sell it over the counter now ya know. Luckily I've never suffered from such a condition. I think that I may be immune.

Sorry, that was another ADD moment. I promise I'll get to a point eventually. I think maybe we need a ward blog or something. A newsletter requires too many length restrictions.

So, love. I think the picture in last week's newsletter is indicative of the state of our country and people in general. It's really quite sad. What ever happened to if you want it, go and take it? It seems like ambition died a cold lonely death in a nursing home somewhere. There's a little something in life called the pursuit of happiness. May I emphasize the word pursuit. When I think of pursuit I see some skinny shirtless crackhead in Southern California being chased over fences and around clotheslines by an overweight cop with "bad boys" being played in the background. How he ever manages to catch the dude is a miracle. But somehow he does, he shouldn't, but it happens anyway. How does the cop do it? He's perspiring, huffing and puffing. He probably racked himself trying to get over that fence. Possibly several times, but in the end, he did it. In other words, he worked for it.

Life is a battlefield. If you want to win, you fight to win. You fight with everything you have. There's only one strategy to life, love, and war. It's what we as a country and a people can't seem to get through are heads. We fight to win, or we pull out. If you want love, you hold nothing back, or you leave. And you don't roll over and die when the going gets rough. Can you imagine after D-Day, when so many Americans gave their lives for a few miles of beach line, we decided to give up because it was too hard? Love is the same way. You will be scarred, you will be bruised, you will be broken. My friends, the only things worth doing in this world are hard. I know it sounds cliche, but believe it, accept it, and move on.

So what am I trying to say. Girls, take initiative. If you don't want to be lonely, then don't be. Show a little interest. Let us know you want to do something. That's usually all it takes to get us in motion. Guyz, suck it up and don't be afraid to take shots in the dark. Most of the time you won't know if the path is worth walking until you've tried it. It's high time we take responsibility for our social and love lives and stop trying to pass the buck. Although if you must pass a buck, I could use a few. Not the wrinkled kind though, the vending machines don't take them very well.

On one last note, how in the world did the writer in your last newsletter article go from the celestial room to "I want someone to get it on with me?" I'm usually the last person to ever call someone out on gospel stuff, but wow. Just wow.

I may sound crazy. These are the results of sleep deprived nights and days filled with living off of vending machine hot pockets. I recommend the original pepperoni, the philly cheese steak are a little wierd. And while you're at it, please pass the Claritin, I feel a sinus infection coming on.